Where had the time gone???

Tonight is my final night in France. It is sort of a surreal feeling. My mother wanted me to move my flight up as I would be alone for a few days, but I wanted to come to Paris and wind down a bit. I do not regret this at all. Yesterday I just walked, and walk did I ever. I am staying by the airport so I have to take a shuttle into the airport and take a train into the center of Paris, so I wanted to stay in the center awhile and reflect on my time here. Being alone did not bother me in the least. It was a very nice day and I just chilled. I have been to Paris a few times so I have seen a lot of the sites and figured I wouldn't pay for them again. It was weird to realize that I knew where I was going. Yes Paris is massive, but if I just walked a ways I could always find a land mark in the center that I knew and could find my way. When I came in high school I got a few of us lost and the girls were very upset with me, but I got this shit now. Public transportation has become second nature to me know and that it saying a lot for a redneck from Iowa.
I fulfilled a life long dream, well a few year dream anyway , and did a segway tour around pairs. I swear this is the best way to tour the city. Those things are so much fun. I was like 30 minutes late for the tour and missed most of the safety training so I was just kind of thrown on to one. I was able to pick it up a lot quicker then the old women who were on the tour with me, but it was incredible. It is expensive, but I promise you will be able to see more and have much more fun than walking. Of course I forgot my camera the one time I wanted to take pictures, but I promise I did it. I bought a tee-shirt just to prove it. I always wanted to be rich like in Rocky IV where he drives a little car around his estate. F that, if I am ever rich I am going to drive a segway to go take a shit. It really was incredible.
It is strange how coming to a place with such uncertainty can become home. I saw a lot of great things, but I credit the people. I met so many people and you realize how similar people from other cultures are.  It is really easy to relate with people when you are in the same position being in a new place so far from home. Yes things are different. There is no Great Wall late chinese for after the bar, but you can always get a Kebab. Every culture has something. Going abroad for 4 months was great and I will always cherish the times I had, but living abroad for 8 months can really put things into perspective for you. I know I have changed immensely and hopefully for the best. I just want to thank everyone I met here for making the time I spent in Rennes so enjoyable. Thanks. Au revoir and I will be eating Hooters tomorrow. In the world of Bart Scott, " Can't Wait!"

Soft Pretzels and beer. Is this Busch Stadium? No its Berlin baby!

A special program within our school allowed us to take part in a winter session. It was an optional program and it allowed us to take a class in international strategic management for two weeks in another country. We were randomly drawn and had no idea of where our destination would be. I lucked out and my destination ended up being Berlin, Germany. I had never been to Germany and was looking forward to my next traveling opportunity. I was happy to go as I had been in Rennes for a few days by myself and the only human interaction that I had was with the people working the registers at Carrefour and with my lack of the French language there was not much going on there. Well I did buy alcohol for a minor and that was a bit of a struggle because he spoke zero English and my French is very poor, but it was nice to kind of talk to someone. He reminded me a bit of a younger version of myself so I was happy to buy the young lad some Desperados.
I bought my ticket fairly close to my departure so I did not have the best flight time. I honestly did not really know many people that were going to be joining me as many were from other programs that I did not have class with, but I wasn't too worried. Like I have said before, things have a way of working themselves out for me and it was definitely a good time. I did not get to Berlin until pretty late and had no idea where I was going. I had to take a bus to a train station and then take the train into town where my hostel was. On the train I noticed an overwhelming amount of NFL hats on. Although I did not agree with any of the teams, it made me feel comfortable to know that we had some fans over here. I managed to get to my hostel somehow and checked in a little after 10. Since I didn't really know anyone I had no preference of a roommate so it was going to be a surprise. The rooms were more like a hotel and I went up to find my room. I unlocked the door with my key card and as soon as I walked in a Chinese student popped out of his bed in his underwear. I couldn't help but grin and awkwardly introduced myself as we were going to be sharing a room for the next two weeks. He was a very nice guy and it worked out fine. I might have irritated him a bit, especially on the weekends, when I came into the room at about 6 AM. I could only think of the movie the hangover for the next few days as when we met the only thing I could think of was the movie the Hangover.  "You want to fuck on me" rolled through my head as I dozed off to sleep. I am just glad I didn't get hit with a tire iron.

I am not a morning person and many of my fellow classmates realized that I was not very talkative until around lunch time. I don't know how some of these people can be so cheerful in the morning. They sang songs about french clowns, some dirty french songs about putting your genitals on your shoulder, and in an attempt the wake me up they supplemented my name in place of shake and sang jake jake jake, jake jake jake, jake your booty. They probably thought I was just pissed off at life for the first few days, but c'mon it was like 7:30 in the morning. We had class every day, but that is obviously not what I am going to talk about. It was a little colder than the area of France in which we live and it was a little slick at times as there had been some mixtures of rain and snow. Marion found out the hard way. In an attempt to run across the street she ate shit. I didn't know whether to feel bad or laugh, but we all laughed pretty hard when she got up and started screaming that she kissed the German floor.Not sure if it completely translates right, but it was hilarious.

I was anticipating Germany as it is no secret that I like beer. There was no shortage of beer anywhere and something else close to my heart. There were soft pretzels everywhere called bretzels. In a train station, on the road, in the actual subway terminals. You could buy a beer and a pretzel anywhere. Not to mention the beer was fabulous. Another favorite of mine was readily available everywhere and that was Jagermeister. I was in absolute heaven. I loved the food as well. There was no shortage of bratwurst or a new dish for me called currywurst. Amazing. This is my kind of food. It was MAN FOOD. I will someday go to Oktoberfest as that is one of my life long goals to spend all day eating sausage and drinking wonderful German beer. It was nice to get out of France a bit. Things seemed much similar to home for me. There were Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts every corner. Not that I drink that crap, but I went in a few times to get out of the cold. They seemed to have more of a sense of capitalism or non laziness and stores were open 24 hours. It had been awhile since I had seen one which I had always I thought was normal for a long time. For my benefit, people spoke amazing English. I had to get used to watching what I said on the subway because people knew what I was saying.

We were able to see some great sites beyond the beer drinking that was going on. O wait, the majority of the beer drank may have been myself. Hey, when are you going to go to Berlin again? The school we studied at lined up a few activities such as going to a company visit of Air Berlin. We almost had to drag Pilar out of that place as she fell head over heels in love with the guy who was presenting. That was a long commute home listening to these girls discuss this Greek God. We were able to finally leave and I assume the girls raced to their computers to try and stalk this guy on Facebook. We were taken to a cool museum that was located on the museum island section of Berlin, but for the life of me I have no idea what it was called. Irrelevant. The trip we did through the school that I remember was the Reichtag (sorry for spelling) building. This was the parliament building for Germany and was an incredible building. It had been rebuilt after it was destroyed by fire. It is assumed they were orders from Hitler himself. Dickhead. There was massive security to get through. I of course forgot to take my belt off and was taken to be fully checked. It was a full check as the person doing it definitely got a handful. Other times I may have been mad, but it was the most action I had gotten in a long time so I was ok with it. I was just glad I composed myself. After seeing some of the preserved historical sections and where the councils were held, you were able to go on top of the building and see the best sites of Berlin. It was breathtaking. As much as I love the top of the Eiffel Tower, the sites up here were just as good if not better. It was truly spectacular. We were given headsets for the many kinds of languages represented in our group. It was cool. While companies have cross functional teams, I was able to have teams like this across numerous programs and even more nationalities. I caught myself people watching as everyone had their headphones on. Like other tours when you reached a certain area a new message would come on. You could see when people were not paying attention or walking to fast and you saw a lot of backing up and walking forward. It was like people putting a treadmill on too fast and trying to catch up. I am easily entertained.

There is so much history in Berlin and it is crazy to think that this history is pretty damn recent. World War II was not that long ago. There are numerous memorials in place for the fallen Jews of Europe and all of the others that were victims of the horrific Genocide. Germany does a great job as to not forget. Not to forget and to remind people that this will not happen again. On a tour through the city we stopped at a parking lot and looked a little confused. We were standing on a car park that was directly over the bunker that Hitler cowardly ended his life. They make no effort to immortalize him and I found that very cool. It was so intriguing to walk by the remains of the Berlin wall and you could honestly see the differences to this day on which sides of the city were in soviet control. Maybe I am old, but the fact that I was alive when the wall fell is so crazy. This city is really just finding itself. We also walked by the hotel where Michael Jackson held the baby over the railing. Fun fact and little bit of recent history. We frequented numerous memorials and even took the train to the outskirts of the city to go to a concentration camp. This was the Sachsenhausen concentration camp. It was a very eerie feeling touring this camp. I'm sure it was the same for most, but I absolutely could not fathom the incidents that transpired here. This was only like 70 years ago. It happened to be the coldest day there and of course I forgot to wear a heavy coat. I woke up a little late. I told you the beer was cheap. I would not have been able to make it in the cold, but I picked up a flask sized bottle of what tasted like peppermint schnapps to get me through and it worked.

Of course we went out a few times. There was a club very close to the hostel called the Matrix club. We had been doing some touring after class and rounded everyone up to go into a common room in the hostel. I love the word common room and I always think of the Gryffindor common room. If you don't like Harry Potter than you most likely smell bad.Well, we introduced a little beer pong with very small cups and then got kicked out as they closed early so we went back to a fellow classmates room where we got a bit routy and a bed got broken in half. They got off scott free so it worked out in the end. People had tried to get me to dance on the train every day and I always refused and informed them that the only kind of dancing I partake in is pole dancing. How did you learn you may ask. Well, I have been to a few strip clubs where I pay a bit more attention than class and used to work the pole at the skank tank (Sharky's) in my younger years at UNI. I should not have told everyone that. Any kind of pole they saw they wanted me to do it. I know what I am doing and do that upside down shit so I know the right pole. Well on our way to the club someone spotted a pole that would work. Ah crap, it looked like I was getting called out. It was cold and this pole did not work. It had no grip and was just not the right material that was suitable to erotic dancing. I went for it and tried to go upside down and just slid right down on my head/back. I was pissed off at myself to say the least as I knew I had much more potential then that. I tried again, but it was still half assed. Good thing the others did not know the extent of my skills and were satisfied. Good thing it was dark and the attempted video only produced audio. The club was fun and stayed open till like 6 AM. It was wild. I met people from all over and somehow missed a fun sounding fight. I always miss the good stuff.

Berlin was a great two weeks. Saw some amazing sites and met some great people that I will never forget. All it did was cement the fact that I want to see much more of Germany. Ok, that is fine with me. Hope to see some of you at Oktoberfest down the road. Au Revoir.

Jake's guide on living/studying abroad

My time in Rennes is coming to a close. I have been lucky enough to spend 4 months in Ireland and then an entire academic year in France. I have no regrets in the time that I have spent abroad and people have told me that I am lucky. Until recently I thought the same, but there is no luck. Yes I have taken out large loans, found great programs, but I did this myself and anyone can do it. Say what you want and make any excuse you want, but if you have the kahunas to do it, I promise you will have a lifetime of memories. I'll be honest, being abroad can change you a bit. Yes, I will always be the same guy who speaks before he thinks and puts himself in too many awkward situations to count, but some of your values change a bit. I don't know if it is bad to say, but I feel less ignorant. I have come accustomed to other cultures and don't have the same ignorance that I once displayed. Yes, I love the United States of America, and by far we make the best wings. I can't wait to go to hooters to eat some delicious wings and look at big breasted women. I am actually in a weird spot at the moment because I can't wait to see everyone, but I really don't know how I will adjust to being back home.
Well, there are things that you need to know about spending time abroad. As you could guess, things are not the same. Many things are completely different from what you are used to. Take France for example. The capitalist views that you are used to are not the same. There is no such thing as a 24/7 store. Stores close at 8. Yes 8, like the number of legs that a spider has and the number of chest hairs that it has taken me 23 years to grow. Things are not so easy, and you definitely need to plan more but it is something you get accustomed to. Guess what? American beer sucks. Yea you might be a lover of Bud Light, but I promise you it is shit. Step outside of your comfort zone and try an amazing Guinness or a splendid micro brew called La Chouffe. You will not be disappointed. Yes, when you come home your friends might think you are a pompous asshole for yelling at a bartender for pouring a Guinness wrong or turning your nose to a nasty light beer, but seriously the shit sucks.  You consider these beers you thought were great as beer pong quality at best. It does suck because they are more expensive to buy these imports at home, but your palate will never be the same.
Yes, if you are American like myself, you have no plans to ever learn another language because we are American and English is all we will ever need. Newsflash assholes, Spanish will soon take over as the most spoken language in the world. I have found a new gained respect for my fellow classmates who at least speak 3 languages. Yes, I have not learned a ton of French, but at least I can order a beer and I will at least try a bit, especially when I have had a few drinks. Newsflash, there is more out there than the state lines of Iowa or the borders of the US. I don't know about you, but the best experiences I have had are when I have stepped outside of my comfort zone. Live a little.
Like many of my past residences we are known for having some good parties. Never again will I have a party where there are over 20 different nationalities. Hey, we are all looking for the same thing. Lets get a little tuned up and have some fun. If you are thinking of studying abroad for the first time, I'll let you into a little info. Yes, host families are great for getting acclimated to local culture, but how long has it been since you have lived with your parents. Yes, probably a little bit, so why would you want to live with someones parents that you don't know and actually have to respect. I understand learning a new culture, but why not learn a new culture through people your own age. Its true, you are going to party a bit, so live it up with your own place and throw parties. These actions will be reciprocated I promise. You invite people over for a little shindig and they will invite you over and you will meet so many great people. I'm sure you have gotten set in your own routine, but step outside the box and have some new fun. Seriously, do it.
You will probably get into alternative sports like soccer (football) or rugby. At first you are just looking for a sport to watch, but honestly they are pretty damn cool. When you go home people will continue to say that it sucks, or that it is stupid and your are stupid for enjoying it. Well it is the most popular sport in the world dicks. Go to a small pub that is at capacity and watch a match where people are screaming the entire time. It is quite a bit of fun. Honestly it is not as easy as it looks. I have played a few pick up games and that shit is hard. My first pick up match ever I kicked some dude extremely hard in the leg and knocked him out of the game, but trust me scoring a goal is unlike anything else you have ever experienced.
Friends, food is much different as well. Yes we do the greasy shit well in the states, but these people have been cooking for generations. You think you like wonderbread, well try a f'n baguette. Seriously, I want to make love to one.  These people do bread right and don't even get me started on cheese. Yes, I love pepperjack and wish it was a world wide phenomenon, but I have done quite alright without it. This shit is real. They know what the hell they are doing.

So I have a little experience being abroad so you can refer to me as Socrates or if you are formal, Mr. Grothoff will suffice. Through diligent research I have created a model of reverse culture shock. Yes, it does exist. Going home is great and it is very exciting to see all of the people and friends that you left behind. Those first few weeks of being back are great as you are catching up with old friends and they are actually mildly interested in the stories that you have as you have had the most amazing months of your life. Sorry to say, but the excitement of being home quickly subsides. After the initial warmth of coming home you go into a state of mild depression. You have had so much fun and seen so many amazing things, that you really miss where you came from. After a little bit of sadness you become accustomed to the regular grinds of school, work, and the every day happenings. You finally get back into that normal routine and it feels good. The worst part is soon to come. After feeling completely normal for a few months it hits you. It can be different for all people. It might happen while laying in bed, going to the same bar that you were at the night before, or rubbing one out in the shower. It doesn't matter, but it hits you like a ton of bricks. You are bored and you really miss where you came from. You have had the time of your life and met so many amazing people. It finally becomes a reality and you realize that you will most likely never see many of these people ever again. Yes, thank the lord for Facebook, but it is not the same. It is a tough time and you realize that you are a bit different then your friends. You will be able to pull through and make the best, but you always know that you will only be happy when you travel, So I challenge all of you who have studied abroad to keep traveling. Live life to the fullest and if you are thinking about studying abroad, don't be stupid and do it. I promise you will not regret it. If I ever mess up and have children, knock on wood, I will require them to get some international experience because I think it is the best thing anyone can do. Well I know it was a bit of a rant, but I am going to bed. Au revoir.

 

The Leprechaun and his book of love

Yes, lent is over, but I am still seeing some cool places and decided I would like to still write about it so suck it. A couple weeks ago I went back to Dublin. I spent 4 months in Dublin a few years ago and I can honestly say it is my favorite city in the world. I had an amazing time there and being in such close proximity, I had to make it back. It was good to get back and see some old friends and go to the places that I used to frequent. It is really cool to go back to a large city in Europe and know exactly where you are going. I brought a couple of American girls that were studying at the school here and we headed to Nantes to catch a shitty Ryanair flight to the dirty Dubs. It is not like I never hang out with girls, my best friend growing up was a girl for heaven's sake, but it is easy to forget that we are completely different creatures. Apparently one of the girls gets freaked out on take offs and was closing her eyes and seemed to be in terror. I reassured her that a ryanair flight hasn't crashed in months and I got yelled at by the other girl. C'mon that is kind of clever right? Well i thought I was funny and then a few moments later there was sort of a loud buzzing noise and not even directed to anyone, I dryly said, " That can't be good." This time I really got my ass chewed. I gave up and put my headphones on so I didn't get in any more trouble. It was a short flight and was even shorter as I can sleep on command. We lucked out as soon as we got there. I had gotten the address to me friend Connor's house and found the bus line that would take us directly there. I wanted to see if I could get a cheap phone for a few days so I looked at a shop and it was too expensive so we went outside to go get the bus. Well I was thirsty and remember I could probably get a Dr. Pepper here so I told them to wait here. I went inside and to my delight I found A&W cream soda. I know this is irrelevant, but I am getting to the point. When I walked out of the shop Connor was standing outside looking around. He was holding a ripped apart corn flake box that read, "Jake Grothoff American." I laughed and ran over to him and we got a ride back to his place from his girlfriend. Well we spent the better part of the week enjoying Dublin, but there is one particular story I want to write about.
We were out one Sunday night, yes a Sunday, and were looking at some places to go. It was a little late as the girls had to get ready, but there were plenty of places to choose from. We stopped outside a bar and discussed where to go. This guy heard our accents and asked where we were from and and told us he was from New York or something I wasn't really listening. He was a short little man, in the resemblance of a Leprechaun and was wearing a tweed suit jacket. Who am I to judge so I invited him to come to Fitzsimmons with us. We got to talking and he was quite a weird little fella. He informed us that he dropped out of college to write a book on love. I could have laughed, but I like to instigate, so I went along with this. I drilled him on his book ideas and his inspirations. The girls went to the bathroom and I asked him if he was searching for love. He said he always is, but didn't mind a good one night stand. My eyes lit up and I knew how I could get these girls back for dragging me around Dublin shopping and using my navigational expertise to find a forever 21, whatever the hell that is. I told this Leprechaun that these girls were DTF. If you don't know what that means, than you should probably not be reading this blog. Well wouldn't you know it, it worked. He followed these girls around everywhere. They made it their mission to ditch this guy. He even started to follow me around and then shit got weird when he followed me into the bathroom. There were like 6 stalls and he picked the urinal right next to be. I was a little thrown off and could only think that he was trying to sneak a peak at my golden nuggets. You have your own gold Leprechaun. I even wanted to ditch the man. We even tried to go out on the dance floor, but he followed and started dancing like a wild man. I am not much of a dancer, but if I am challenged in anything I accept. Glad to say I dominated and got some props from some local irish for popping off my back to my feet. We finally succeeded and that Leprechaun went home, but it took a lot of effort. It was my fault and I didn't inform the girls of what I told him until we were back in France.
I had a great time and hope to go back to Ireland many more times. Au Revoir I have a Cardinals pregame to watch.

Opening Day

As you know I am a huge St. Louis Cardinals fan. Absolutely huge and guess what, Today is Opening Day. One of my favorite days of the year. This season was absolutely incredible and if you own a TV, computer, or stepped outside of your house last October, than you know how happy I was. It was such a long October for myself as I could not allow a game to be played in the post season without watching it. This made for some sleepless nights and some long days of class. Well that season was incredible and this year is upon us. After game 7, I sat there stunned for a bit and thought to myself, how crazy was it that I witnessed this in France. Now today, how crazy is it that I am seeing the start of the next season in the same place. This will not be the first time that I saw opening day in Europe. 2 years ago I found a bar that had ESPN America in Dublin, Ireland and got to watch an opening day win. The time worked out a little better there because of a day game and now in France I have to wait until 1AM to watch the game, but it is completely worth it. Try to find many bigger fans of any sports team. We bought some wings and have a little Bdub's sauce so bring on the wings. I have a oral exam tomorrow dealing with my thesis so will be doing without the beer, but I found a couple Dr. Pepper's so I will have some delicious carbonated drinks. So it is now time to start our title defense. They are not picked my many to do well, but who would have seen last year coming. There is only one thing that will be definitive. THE CUBS WILL SUCK AGAIN. Au Revoir.

European Babysitting

In every man's life you take a moment to sit down and reflect on how things have turned out. Financially I'm a mess, I have no idea what I am doing with my life, and I have come to the realization I have no real talents. While becoming fairly depressed on my life thus far, I was able to find some positives. For one I have no bastard children running around and two I have reached the point in my life where I need to babysit my parents. They do a lot for me and for that I am grateful. Without them I would not be sitting in France writing this blog, but my parents definitely gave me some ammo for this next post. I always new that the time would come where I would be leading them around, but I didn't know it would come at 23.
My mother took a summer position at the city pool to finance their Christmas trip to Europe. It was good to see them, especially as I was not going home like the other three American students who are in the master's program. They had a long trip, but be were finally able to meet at the hotel we were staying at in Paris. I got there a bit early, but I can proudly say I am getting used to public transportation and am becoming very efficient. While waiting, I was thinking of how my parents were going to fare in a new country, and especially one that does not speak English. Besides a a resort, I think this was the first time my parents stepped outside of the English speaking realm. Things were going to be different such as: customs, food & drink, and of course the language. When thinking about my dad, the first thing I thought of was the food and drink aspect. My father is a man who considers chicken a vegetable and if it is not a tall boy of Busch light, then they are just trying too hard. My mother, was bragging about taking French in high school and definitely has a more wide open palate when it comes to foods, but as mean as she can be around the wrestling brackets, I think she can be uncomfortable in new situations. It was definitely going to be an adventure.
They came bearing gifts and I was thrilled. Thank the lord my mom kept the gushers out of her carry on, because I know my dad would have got his grubby little fingers on those. They say you shouldn't hold a grudge, but this particular grudge has kept my knuckles white for years. Sorry dad, but I am going to bring it up again. I had been cutting quite a bit of weight my senior year, like every year prior, and like every year prior my dad was not thrilled with my weight management. I had been looking forward to the gushers that I would be enjoying after my matches for days. I had learned by my fourth year to not eat too much before you wrestle the hard way. I ate Taco John's early on in my career and had to stall the entire match as I was spitting up pieces of lettuce the entire match. I ate my sandwich and some good foods. In between matches my dad snuck down into the locker room and raided my lunch box, that my mother the saint had packed for me, and ate all of my gushers. I wanted to kill him. I literally would not speak to him after my match and I honestly don't think I spoke to him for a few days. How could you! Don't ever go to into comatose because I might just get thirsty and decide to drink your iv.
To get off this rant, we began our voyage in Paris. I only have French class 1.5 hours a week and in my program it is only pass fail so you could say I have missed a few. I think they expected me to be fluent and literally my mom had probably had more French education than myself. We started off and did some of the sights like the Louvre and did a little shopping like my dad wanted. We were tired and had a few drinks and were about ready to call it an early night, but I talked them into walking closer to the Eiffel Tower to see it light up, as it really is a spectacular sight. After convincing my dad, we walked down to a bridge that was close enough and had a great view. I think both of my parents were a little tuned up because my mom was spitting off a bridge at cars with me and my dad seemed to be disgusted. The light show came on and even my dad was impressed enough to give up on his feet being tired. Hey, wear some tennis shoes instead of your combo boots all the time. I even saw my parents hug. Awwwww. No way, do you realize how small our hotel was. If they were planning something funny happening they would have been right on top of me. Our hotel was tiny. We got home to the hotel at like 9 and thankfully their old ass's passed out quick without expressing their strange love for each other. Great, I was in the clear. Or so I thought. Those two both snore so loud it wasn't even funny and of course they didn't snore in synchronization. While one snored the other exhaled. It was like one continuous snore. It was awful. We did some of the tourist stuff in Paris and even took a nighttime on the Seine river to see some beautiful sights. I took a picture of my parents that looked like what family's want to look like. This was not the tell talk store of the cruise. While they look very happy, they cruise consisted of my dad complaining about how nasty the free champagne was. Sorry dad, there is not Busch light. My mom was muttering about her veins hurting and I mistakenly asked why. You try having 4 kids in 6 years, and I instantly regretted opening my mouth. We had a good time and there is really nothing about our time there that I could complain about.
We decided to come stay at my apartment and do some of the great sights that were in distance here. We went to Mont St. Michel, which is one of the most visited tourist attractions in France. It was a good day and we got back on the bus, but we ran into a little problem. I was able to get a cheaper round trip ticket because of my metro pass. We didn't know if theirs would be round trip and found out it was not. I had already walked on the bus a bit and I hear my mom's voice yell to me. They driver was telling her that they needed to by a ticket and she yells very loud, "Jake I need you to come translate". I looked at her and told her, "Mom, he is speaking to you in English". For a person who has done enough things to not feel embarrassed much, I felt a little warmth in the cheeks at that moment.
We really had a lot of fun and were able to check out the American Cemetery in Normandy and got to check out London for a few days, which was much easier, even though they had some trouble understanding an English accent. We almost got to see the most amazing fireworks display. While some people are defensive drivers, my dad is a defensive crowd walker. He plans out every possible scenario like a knife attack to a nuclear threat. Well, we had to go home early because he got to nervous about missing our early flight in the morning. Honestly, I got over that a lot quicker than the gushers. I can rag on them all night and since they are they few who read this I can say I had a great time and I hope you did as well. I definitely ate out more that week than I have my entire 7 months here. Love you guys. Just don't eat my gushers ever again. Keep traveling. Ay Revoir

A Pirates life for me

Twas the thirty first night of October and there was strange ambiance felt throughout the town of Rennes, France. It was Halloween and this needed to be a night to remember. I had vowed to never share this story with the general public, but things change and I am in the mood to tweet, so here goes. For a short background story, we had been to a night bar a few weeks prior and there was some sort of energy that had us drawn to this little nook of the bar. There it stood, the most amazing pirate decoration that we had ever seen. We had to get closer, had to just touch it. It was like a moth being drawn to a street light, I didn't want to grab it, but I just couldn't help myself. I recruited a lookout and went to grab this idol. I had it and not two steps later I was grabbed from behind a worker from the bar. My lookout had taken off and was nowhere to be found. The worker just took back the pirate and went back to work. He obviously did not say it, but I could see it in his eyes and two simple words popped into my head. Challenge accepted. It became an afterthought and it was just something we joked about from time to time.
Halloween came and although we had our party on Saturday, the holiday fell on a Monday and none of us had class so we decided to head out to a couple of local establishments. Like the party before, Ryan and myself were dressed like nerds. It was a cheap costume and a few of my friends had pulled it off a few years prior. I am not one violate a copyright so I asked permission and got the go ahead. We were out for a little bit, but it wasn't too exciting and we needed something to make it an epic Halloween night. I honestly do not know who suggested this, but we decided we were going to get this pirate. And that it what we did...or attempted.
It was a Monday night so this place was not packed in the least bit. There are actually at least 4 bars in this place, but they are rarely simultaneously open. We walked in an instantly got a dejected feeling. The entire area where the pirate was located was blocked off. It was like a wooden jail and was similar to the things that they would block of wings of high schools during wrestling tournaments, but like these fences could be torn down after a loss, and we were able to snake through.
This was the original plan. Ryan was going to go down and get it and bring it close to fence. Alex, from Montreal can obviously speak French, so he was going to walk outside and start a conversation with the bouncer. I would go in and grab this pirate and walk behind Ryan and get the F out. All was going according to plan. I got the Pirate and was trying to sneak up to the entrance and then it happened. I slipped on a stair and dropped it. Of course it made the loudest noise that seemed to echo throughout the entire bar and city. I heard some voices and the load pounding of shoes running towards my direction. O shit, where the hell am I going to go. I ran back down to where the pirate was located as I saw a sortie sign, which means exit, and hope there was a back way out of this bitch. I went down into what was like a cave and made it to the exit door. It was locked and I had nowhere to go. I took a deep breath and slowly turned around to discover my fate. There was a bouncer screaming at me in French. I couldn't understand a damn word he was was screaming at me. I responded in English and said, " alright I'm leaving." I tried to walk by and he grabbed me. Wow, this is about to go down. I pushed him off and once again stated I am leaving. He then tried to really grab me and take me down so I shoved him into a wall and took off. I was well ahead of him, but then of course I could not get back through the fenced off area and he grabbed me by the shirt and started to drag me out of the place, which was called La Place. Bad place to explain, but I am not a writer nor should be so I will explain our attire. Like I said earlier we were dressed as nerds. We were wearing a dress shirt, slacks hiked up, dress shoes, nerd glasses, suspenders, some messed up hair, and Alex had a fake mustache. Back to the story, he got me down the stairs and I had no idea where Ryan or Alex were, but there was one thing on my mind. How was I going to get out of this. He had a good grip on my shirt, but I was able to tap into my wrestling repertoire and popped his elbows up and was able to spin out. He grabbed my shirt, but I was also able to spin out of the shirt. I took off...kinda. In the process of having my shirt ripped off and half falling off a curb, I never gained proper footing. I lost a shoe and was trying to regain my balance on a cobblestone street and did not make it too far. During this Ryan was nice enough to pick up my shirt and take off after us. I never regained proper footing and got tackled from behind. I was able to quickly regain my footing even with him on my back, but he had me in a headlock. I offered to pay for the pirate, but of course the language I was speaking was not acknowledged. He started yelling police so it became apparent enough was enough. It was not a good headlock by men standards and basically just got under him and threw him off. He was able to grab a hold of the cutoff I had left, but there was no way I was going to be caught again. I ran through my shirt and took off running down the road in the general direction of my apartment. Alex was long gone, but Ryan was around in case stuff got too serious. I found out once I was gone he tried to grab Ryan and then instead just kicked him in the shin. He must have been a soccer player because he left a nasty welt on Ryan's shin. I ran until I knew there were no footsteps behind me. I had to look ridiculous. I had 1 shoe, no shirt, and hiked up pants with suspenders. People were acknowledging me as I ran by, but I didn't know what they were saying. We ran for awhile and realized we were safe.
We eventually made it home and relived the story about 30 times. I was so jacked up I even called some friends back home. That was when I had a phone that made calls to the US. It was my pre Albert Pujols trade phone. I know all of our stories were different, but we made it safe. We still have not gotten that pirate, but it is still there. My mother came in the end of December and I just told her that I lost my shoe. This is actually the story of how I lost that shoe. I have grown up since and do not do things of this nature anymore.

This actually did not happen and was just a story I made up for my creative writing class.

I'm in Amsterdam. Where's the Applebees?

You might have thought that my next entry would have been discussing St. Patty's day, but honestly compared to the last two years this year did not live up. That's fine, maybe my expectations were too high. Well, I am getting bored of working on my project dealing with the WTO and the role of GATS in financial liberalization. If you were wondering it is about as boring as it sounds. Also, Peyton Manning is going to the Broncos, so I want to listen to some ESPN radio. When I turn that on I don't get any work done so I might as well blog. The following will be a bit of a recap of the trip I made to Amsterdam last November. Sorry I needed something to talk about and it is still fresh.
Unfortunately I had a lot of classes that fell on Thursday, Friday, and Saturdays. Saturday seriously? I know right. I had more Saturday classes than I ever want to talk about. Since the class schedule was stupid, this was going to be my first big trip of semester and I was excited. This trip sort of happened on a whim and most of the planning was discussed via Facebook so there could have been mistakes made, but it worked out. We were renting a car and quickly realized that to get an automatic would be much more expensive, so it was looking like I was going to drive the entire way. Turns out being able to drive stick shift is a commodity. I was honestly a little nervous. Yes, I know how to drive a manual, I basically learned to drive with one. I got pretty good with a hand break from all of the shittys I used to whip in the school parking lot. Being the only one who could drive I had to play it cool. Once we got the car it came back fast. It is like riding a bike, you never forget. It was kind of nice to drive around Rennes, as I had to drive around and pick everyone up who would be accompanying us on the trip. For this trip, we would be packing ourselves like sardines and fitting 5 in a small car. The trip was going to include: Ryan my roommate, Alex the Canadian guy from downstairs, Rachel a girl from UNI, and Kristina a fellow diehard Cardinals fan. We planned to leave around noon on Thursday for people who had morning classes. We ran into a little bit of controversy even before we left. We had originally looked at renting a Peugeot Partner, but I made an executive decision since I was driving, that it would be too big. I knew we would have to fit in some tight squeezes and I ended up being right, but every Peugeot Partner we passed was pointed out along the way. It ended up working out for the best so suck a fart.
We named her Ethel and headed out for what was, for most of us, our first European road trip. We all started off in pretty good spirits, but it quickly got more quiet after a few hours. We ran into a ton of unexpected toles so we at least had that to bitch about for awhile. What was supposed to be about a 8 hour trip turned into more like 10. We ran into some horrific traffic in Belgium because of an accident and were bumper to bumper for a long time. It was better for everyone else because the just opened a bottle of wine. Of course I felt a a bit left out, but I knew I had four lives in my hands. Ok, I was actually upset because I didn't have any chew and it is tough to road trip without it. We passed some cool sights along the way, but had no time to stop. We got into Amsterdam and once we got in the center of the city the driving was crazy. The roads were narrow, there were bikes everywhere, and you drove on tram lines. After a bit of drive around the city, we found our hostel and we came to our first lucky occurrence. There was a parking spot right in front of the hostel, but it was going to be tight. It was a total team effort since I could not see behind me due to the luggage packed to the ceiling, but without too much trouble we were able to back into the spot. We checked in, parted ways with Alex who was staying with friends, and headed out on the town.
It turned out to be a blast. We had no idea of where to go so we just wandered. Turns out, people from the Netherlands speak amazing English which made things easy for us ignorant Americans. We went to a few places throughout the night. We even sang Karaoke at one. The selection was slim, but settled on " I want to dance with somebody" by Whitney Houston RIP. We recruited two girls to sing with us and I tried to hand them the mic, but they were busy making out, so the song was bringing out their true love. It was not the girls we were with as these girls haircuts were a little more butch. The only weird thing was that you have to pay for the bathroom, even in a bar or restaurant. We also went to what we found out was a transvestite bar, but we were up for anything. We were a little lost, but Ryan offered the girls we were with in exchange for directions so we made it back. This might have not set so well with them, but they did make it back with us.
It turned out to be a pretty good hostel where we were all able to stay in the same room by ourselves and it had a bathroom. This place was full for the weekend so we needed to find our new hostel. After a traditional Dutch breakfast we set out to find our new hostel. We found it checked in, but still had the problem of finding somewhere to park. We drove forever and found a place near a stadium across the city and realized we had no idea of how to get back. It was going to take the entire day to get back, and it actually took till about 10 PM to get back. We had to whole day to explore and made the most of it. Amsterdam is really cool with all the canals and bridges. Everything looks the same and that played a part in having a hard time getting home. Not having a plan we just stopped at places along the way. We actually found some Chouffe and stopped at a few other places. I wanted to try some local cuisine so I got something out of a fast food vending machine, which turned out to not be so good. After entering some local establishments we started our 6 hour journey. Rachel was worried about getting back and the rest of us were not so worried, so it was a little stressful for her. We finally made it back and went to bed so we could get up for a full day. This hostel was not nearly as nice. There was the four of us and then a couple who apparently were living there and another weird guy.
We all awoke to some ridiculously loud music and the shaking of a bed. They were not bashful around others and were getting nasty in front of the entire room. I am not sure how Kristina got any sleep as she was the one sleeping above them. None of us wanted to say anything to them because we noticed the assortment of knives the couple possessed who were consummating their marriage below. We got out of their as fast as possible and had some things planned.
We wandered out to the Heineken Experience. It was not a working brewery, but was really cool and with a bonus were able to score a few free Heinekens. A double plus, we were all able to get personalized bottles. I was extremely creative and went with Jake Grothoff. As starving as we all were, we found an Italian restaurant near the hostel and sat down to get some grub. Not 5 minutes after, the horny dirtbag who was living in the hostel we were at walked in and seemed to work there. That got a bit of a rise out of us. We ate and then grabbed a few beers to have at the hostel before we met up with the other guys we knew. Also, the Hawks were playing Michigan State so we couldn't miss that. We met up with the guys and headed over to check out the famous "RED LIGHT DISTRICT." I knew I was eventually going to cross paths with this area and I felt pretty confident about going there since I had discussed it with friends in detail before the trip. I was ready, I mean I am the guy who got a fake ID and spent all night at a strip club the night before my senior prom, but I was not ready. I honestly didn't like it. I saw those girls in front of the curtains and could only think what do their father's think. It's decided, I am never having a girl. Not that I want kids ever, but I hope by then natural selection is possible. After that uncomfortable stroll we ended the night at a bar fairly early because we had a long drive back in the morning.
We started off the morning by taking a canal cruise which went through many of the canals of the city and into the bay. It was good to actually get some information on the areas we had been traveling. If I hadn't said it before, the main mode of transportation is bike. They are everywhere! Lined up along every bridge and they even have parking garages for bikes. It is unreal. We picked up Alex and went to search from something to eat and find our way home. While working the GPS, someone noticed an Applebees listed. Of course we were going there. Our prayers had been answered. I was going to order a 2 for 20 just for myself. There were 4 of us in the car that were super pumped and all hailed from the Midwestern Unites States. We actually had to drive like an hour and a half out of our way, but this was going to be worth it. Once we got there, we asked around, but no one had heard of Applebees so our hopes and dreams quickly diminished. We ended up eating at Burger King and were lucky enough to witness an old man walk right into a window. It was absolutely hilarious and we all shared a moment with a Dutch family across the restaurant. It turned out to be quite alright. This town was very cool and was on the ocean so we were able to walk around the peer for awhile, but it was getting a bit dark and we had quite a drive, especially since we went an hour and a half the other way in search of an Applebees. Well, it worked out and we were able to see this amazing place that we had no idea that existed. We headed home and only ran into one problem...
We were in France by know and only a few hours from home, but our gas light had just popped on. O shit, there is nothing close. We used the GPS and got to the nearest town and found the gas station was closed. This is not good. Can you imagine if we ran out of gas. It was like 11 PM and nothing was open so we would be sleeping 5 deep in a small car. We finally found a place that accepted cards and coasted in on fumes. The girls were getting a little upset and I can see how my dad feels with my mom thinking she is a co-pilot in the passenger seat. We made it. I didn't kill anyone, we hit nothing, and although we missed out on the culinary excellence of Applebees, we made it home around 1 AM. It was a great trip and opened the door for other trips to come. Better get back to my homework. Au Revoir.

Madness

The madness of March has come upon us. For sports fans like myself it is an amazing time. You don't even have to be an avid college hoops fan to get get excited for the NCAA tournament. Personally, I only follow a few teams and stay current with the top 25 during the regular season, but March is different. I love all sports. It doesn't matter the sport, I just love the competition. I especially love college athletics. I talk to people here about American sports and I am impressed of some of the knowledge of some professional sports. I talk about college a lot and I don't think many people outside the US understand the magnitude of college sports. It is all the more exciting and I love it.
This will actually be the 2nd time that I get to watch March Madness while abroad. While I was in Ireland, I was able to witness UNI, my alma mater, take down the number one seed Kansas Jayhawks. That was a memory I will always cherish and it was such an exciting time for the school and the state. Shit, I just said alma mater. I really am getting old. I should probably think about growing up. I have pegged 30 as my absolute age to grow up, but that is not important. So today, or tonight for me, the 15 seed Norfolk State took down Missouri the 2 seed. I love upsets and there is nothing like these upsets in March. I really don't like Missouri too much. I know I am an avid Cardinals fan and obviously picked them on my bracket, but the Missouri Tigers do not trip my trigger too much. Columbia Missouri, however, has my favorite Hooters restaurant I have ever been to. I encourage all of you to go. We have made it a tradition to stop on the way home from our annual 4th of July camping trip to Missouri where I am the reigning Billy Bob Classic washers tournament champion. I plan on reclaiming that title next year.
March is great for basketball, but it is very exciting for me as a college wrestling fan. It is a little more tough to follow from here, but I love cheering my Hawks on. They are a little down from where they have been in the past, but have 6 moving on to the quarter finals. Sports aside, tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the year, St. Patty's day. I love it so much. It is a day where everyone can get on my level and let loose. I am not sure how it will be celebrated in Rennes, but I will surely blog about it. My plan for tomorrow is like it always is on this special day. Drink some Guinness and take my pants off. I hope you all do the same. Au revoir.

It didn't start out easy

I have described some of the recent events that happened in my time abroad, but I want to document the beginning of my stay while it is still fresh in the old noodle. As my 2 readers know, I chose to move abroad and pursue a masters of arts in international business and would be completing the classroom part of my degree in Rennes, France. I purchased a round trip ticket and was planning to leave the beginning of September and will make my return to the US in early May. I was excited for the new adventure in my life and honestly was not nervous as I had been away before when I spent 4 months in Dublin, Ireland. I think this time my family realized I was going, because when I first told people I was heading to Ireland they all thought I was just blowing smoke up their ass's because apparently I can not be organized enough to do this. Well I have done just enough to get here. I was registered for school and had reserved a residence that I would be living in for the duration of my stay in Rennes. I was set and ready to move to France.
My good friend Megan drove me to the airport in Des Moines at like a quarter to 5 in the morning. I boarded my miniature plane to Houston, Texas where I had quite the lay over. I sat there for awhile and got bored, so I purchased a $9 Sports Illustrated to do some light reading. I got a Facebook notification from my eventual roommate Ryan that said the place we were supposed to live was overbooked somehow and that I would be homeless when I got to France. Great, I am going to a country where I don't speak the language and will have no place to live. Also, I somehow picked the day where the school welcome team would not be meeting me at the train station to bring me to where I needed to go. To sum it up, I had no idea what to do. Hell, I already bought the plane ticket, so there was no turning back now. I emailed my dad, to let him know what was up, but I wasn't going to tell my mother until I safely landed thousands of miles away from her. After getting my last taste of Buffalo wings and a few brewskies I boarded my plane to head to France where things were going to be very uncertain. I don't get too worked up about things like this as things in my life have always had a way of figuring themselves out so I remained calm. I just needed to get to Rennes so I can figure out the next chapter of my life.
This was not the first time that I had been in the Paris airport. I had been to Paris before in high school, but was apart of a tour group and basically just followed the leader. This time I was completely on my own, so it could be a bit more difficult. I knew I needed to take a train to Rennes, but I had no idea where the train station would be. I should have looked that up before I came. Well, I lucked out and there was a train station at one of the terminals in the airport. Went through customs and had no problem and started reading signs to find a train station. Hey its close, this isn't going to be hard. I got in this enormous line and waited to buy my ticket. I was talking to an American lady ahead of me who was visiting friends and through chatting had just completed a global MBA so we had something to talk about. I was a little tired from the transatlantic plane ride so I didn't hit on her. I wished her good luck and went to purchase my ticket. I politely asked for a ticket to Rennes and got a dumbfounded look. She spoke English, but had no idea what I wanted. Turns out I was in the wrong damn line. This was the RER line which was the train that went from the airport into the center of Paris. Son of a bee sting, I just waited like for a freaking hour to find out this news. I was directed to a terminal across the airport where I could purchase a ticket to Rennes.
I waited in another long line, but I was for sure in the right place. I got to the ticket counter and ordered my ticket to Rennes. The man said that the train to Rennes was leaving in 5 minutes and I didn't have enough time so I would have to wait a few hours for the next one. Great, if I would have come to the right station in the first place I would be in my seat on my way to Rennes. Of course this would happen. I have my ticket and a few hours to kill so I figured I would be a good son and find one of those computers I could pay for internet to let the rents know that I landed in Paris. I don't know why they, and in they, my mom worries. Who is going to take me and make me a sex slave. I honestly don't think I am on the priority of the Eastern European sex slave market. Plus Liam Neeson is my hero now so I have learned some moves, but I can see being worried if you have a daughter going abroad. From personal experience I have seen how naive and dumb American girls can be, so I do my best to look out for them. I have a friend here from Iowa who I will not name, Rachel, who didn't let her family know she was here and was scared to leave her apartment. We received emails from multiple family members of hers looking for her and they were about to file a missing persons report. Rachel if you ever read this we are still mad at you and a nice gesture would be a beer in our honor.
After being a good son, I headed back to the train station and my train was going to leave in about an hour and a half so I reached in my pocket to grab my ticket. Nothing. Holy shit, I left it back at the computers. Why they hell did I try to be a good son. It always bites you in the ass. I raced back to the computer and of course nothing. So I hustled back to the ticket office and waited in line again. Told my story and then had to pay another 20 euros for my ticket because I got the basic with no protection. I had an hour so I wasn't screwing around anymore. I would go outside and sit by the gate where my train would arrive. I sat and sat. It was getting close and there was no train that had the number I needed. I frantically ran around asking people and many could not help me. I asked conductors walking off the train, train station workers, and anyone who would speak English to me. I found a helpful soul and he took my ticket and took me to a monitor that displayed the departing gates and times. I was not told that the gate on the ticket doesn't matter. You must wait around the screen and it will tell you which train and gate 15 minutes before your train departs. I guess I was supposed to know that. Seems self explanatory right. Absolutely not. That was stupid. I figured out I had missed my second train so I would have to purchase another ticket. I bought that and sat right in front of that monitor for 3 hours so I made sure nothing happened again. Ryan had been there for about a day and graciously offered to pick me up at the train station so I gave him a call on a pay phone and said I would be arriving around 8:30 PM. Yep, I got into Charles De Gaulle airport before 8 AM. What a day.
I stepped off my train in Rennes and had no idea where to go. I didn't know where to meet Ryan and had no way of contacting him so I just walked around. I walked around forever and could not find him. Finally I walked by some seats and saw him. He got up with this other guy who was named Victor and we left. Where do I go? I am homeless. Do i get a park bench and use newspapers for blankets or what? I was told the only place I could go was a hostel. It was the only hostel in Rennes so my hands were tied. We got there and I got a room. It was about 9:30 and the guys asked if I wanted to go out. I was tired, but I needed a drink. We went out to a few places and headed back to the hostel for some much needed sleep. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was down. It had been basically 2 stress filled days since I had rested. I wanted to sleep until like 8 the next night.
At about 10:13 in the morning I awoke to this ridiculously loud banging on the door and not a second later this lady unlocks the door and starts yelling at me. She screamed at me for what was about a minute and I lost it. I popped up in my underwear and started yelling back, what the @#$^ are you yelling about! What do you want crazy lady. I don't speak French and don't know what the hell you are yelling about! She points to a sign that was in both languages in like 8 point Times New Roman font and said that we needed to leave the rooms from 10-2 for cleaning. I have stayed in a few hostels and have never been kicked out for any time including 4 hours. What a joke. She snatched the key out of my hand and tried to push me out the door. Almost didn't make it back in, but I pointed at my lack of pants and put some pants on while she watched and headed down to the lobby to watch some French television and hated life.
Well I ended up staying there for about 4 days, which sucked a big one. I witnessed ISU beat Iowa in football in 3 overtimes there. So yeah, it was awful. We got the best news in days, they found us a temporary residence until they could find us a permanent place. It was a room and we had internet so the first night was great. After a few nights, I was ready to get the hell out. We were trying to deal with orientation and find a place to live, it was a mess. We ended up getting some great news. They had found us a possible apartment where three of us could live. Ryan, Victor, and myself. We met two guys from Canada and they were in the same boat and were also heading over to see some places from this lady. The lady at first did not want to give her rooms to students as in the past some Filipino guys destroyed her places. They must have had some muay thai fights or something. We were showed around for hours seeing some individual studios and things. It was nice the guys from Canada were from Montreal and as much as they resisted the French language, they had grown up with it and were fairly fluent. We ended up at this place with our Canadian friends living below us. We lucked out and got a big apartment for what most people here have. We are in the best location possible as well. Walking distance to about anything besides school, but really whats important. Yep, that's what I thought.
We have a place and life is good... Wait a sec. We had our place, but had no hot water and internet. This was a struggle. Thank the lord we had Victor to call for our water. We signed up for our internet and were told that we had indeed singed up, but it wouldn't turn on for 10-15 days. We would receive 2 texts. The first that said we had signed up and then the second to ensure our internet was working. We got that 2nd text in like 3 days. REJOICE! We had been going to a fast food restaurant named Quick Burger and sneaking upstairs just to get our Facebook time. Ahh Facebook, I miss it. We sat on the floor for like 3 hours trying to figure out this internet. It was a mistake and we did get our internet in the 10 day slot. How is that possible. Things are so relaxed here and it is very frustrating for an American who is used to things happening now. We finally got it. Hot water did not take as long, but we were without hot water and gas for 5 or 6 days. We had to shower at school if we wanted hot water and could not eat anything but sandwiches or anything that was readily available out of the fridge. There were many times when we took freezing showers. They didn't last long, but I know personally I screamed the whole time. It was such a mess for the two weeks or so, but I can now laugh at it. We have a good place and have been doing well from now on.
I just finished season two of Glee and was so mad. When Rachel and Finn kissed after the first song I was so mad I threw my football across the room. They cost nationals. They ruined it and they are going to be seniors next season so they better man up and take nationals or I will flip. So it was not easy to get acclimated here, but it has worked out well. Au revoir.

Dog poop,speeding tickets, Nasty fish, and 3 week old cheese.

As I have said from the beginning that this is a place to vent for me. I must have some suppressed anger or something, but here goes. France is pissing me off a bit. To start, there are a lot of dogs in France and from what I have seen, especially in Rennes. I have loved every dog in the world except for one and a half. Kind of a weird number for dogs, but I will explain. My roommate back in college, wow I'm getting old, had the dumbest dog on the planet. I only hated her half of the time because other times she clawed him in the face or snatched his rib eye sandwich out of his hand. So, I only hated her half the time. He had a girl friend who had a dog that was awful. My roommate always had to babysit this dog and I think he even hated it. Most the time it was locked upstairs so it wouldn't eat the chalk off the pool table. Well apparently this dog had diarrhea and managed to spray the place. It smelt so bad that I could not leave my room. I had to crawl out of my window and jump of the roof of the house just to get out of my room. As you might imagine, the smell of dog feces has scared me ever since. Well there are landmines everywhere and I swear I am the only one who steps in them. There have been many days where I am scraping poo off my shoes on a curb or trying to use the cobblestone streets as a cleaning tool. Saturday night I stepped in the steamiest pile of dog crap known to man. I instantly felt the squish and went into instant rage. Now the worst part is that I somehow managed to get some on my finger. I am not going to explain the events that transpired to let this happen, but, to make me look less stupid, I talked Ryan into smelling my finger to confirm that it was indeed dog poop. I saw a few looks on the bus when you see a grown man smelling another mans finger. I don't consider myself grown, because miracles do happen and I may grow some more when I reach 30. Moral of the story is if you ever travel to France, watch your feet. You have no idea what you might step in. Alright I will get on to the rest of my venting now.
I come from Iowa. We have been able to drive with our parents since we were 14, get our school permits at 14 1/2, and Ben and I drove to wall-mart in Iowa Falls at age 13. So at age 23, I have been driving for the better part of the decade. How many speeding tickets have I gotten in all that time in the United States. Zero, zilch, none, nada, nil, and for the tennis fans love. That's not the case in France. I drove to the Netherlands last semester and and got two of them. We saw the cameras flash and just shook our heads. At least this last trip, as was documented in the last post could surely not have anymore happen to it, such as a thing like speeding tickets...
Ryan came in today with a stack of mail. He was excited, he likes mail. I don't like it because in past experiences only bad things are sent to me in mail. Except for your packages mom. I feel much safer with an email. He noted that Victor got quite a bit of mail. Well good for him, I hope something nice is sent to him. Find out later, that it wasn't. Those bastards sent us with two more speeding tickets. TWO MORE! I was barely even speeding. They were for a few KM's over and the highest one was the equivalent of going about 5 miles an hour over. Let me ask you this. How many times do you drive under 5 mph's over the speed limit. Absolute ludicrous. And no, for some of the younger viewers it is not the rapper Ludacris. He is becoming a better actor since his music fizzled, but that's not the point. I am tired of these French government thieves catching me with cameras going over 3 km. There police from what I have seen only work 9-5, that's including their 3 hour lunch, and definitely not on Sundays. They were no help when we were on the side of the road in the rain and I had to relieve myself. Absolute bullshit. Excuse my French, no pun intended. Well I can now see this is unhealthy so I will discuss something gross that my roommate victor and myself willing did.
I will keep this segment short because I want to discuss cheese, but we went to the store the other day and we noticed a very disgusting creature sitting on ice. It looked like an eel, but who knows what it was. Ryan thinks I am crazy for eating vegetables so he said even I wouldn't eat that. I have to stop this, I am 23, but the only thing that popped into my head was challenge accepted. I bought it and it was stinking up the fridge and was a few days past the date to consume so it needed to be done. We bet the 1.66 that it cost, but Ryan being generous said that I only had to take 3 bites and he would buy me a Heineken at the bar next weekend. Not my favorite beer by any means, but the cheapest we can find here. I didn't want to fry it and watch it cook and psyche myself out so I baked it and threw some carrots around it. This thing stunk up the entire house, but thankfully Victor loves garlic and applied half a bottle to the meat he was frying. I told him if a vampire ever bit him, the vampire would drop dead. I'm sort of an expert, I lived with my parents this summer and resorted to watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix to pass the time when my only friends Gus and Gidget were sleeping. Well it was cooked as much as it could be so I cut into it. I took comparative anatomy in high school so I was quickly able to identify the kidneys and the liver. This animal was one of those things that suck things off the bottom or something and I think I dissected something similar. Well, I didn't have a scalpel and we only had 1 fork clean so I used that as my utensil. Well I said it was gross, but they have no idea. It really tasted like formaldehyde. Wow, you might be impressed, I spelled that without spell check. It really tasted like salt water, dirt, and something my pallets have never experienced and I hope they never do again. It was atrocious. I threw the rest away in the trash. Bad idea. The apartment smelled like that until I took the trash out in the late afternoon. Well I am stupid, but I get a free beer, but now I will discuss my friend tending to rotten dairy products.
Might be a surprise to some of you, but our kitchen was gross. We had put it off for some time now and candles and glade were not doing the trick. A few weeks ago, we had a Mexican themed party. My roommate hails from Mexico and some other Mexican students and he cooked some dishes for us to enjoy. It was amazing. They did a fantastic job. Good work Victor and company. This is honestly the first time that I have been cooked for since I have been here. Might be hard to believe, but any dinner we have had, I have had a major part in the cooking. Yeah ladies, I make a mean apple crisp. Our apartment has kind of turned into a place to party on occasion. Nothing different from some of my other residences in the past, but these parties are different. I feel fortunate enough to have the opportunity to be a co-host of a party where there are more than 12 different nationalities in our small apartment. It really is amazing. It is really cool to meet so many new people from different backgrounds and cultures. I honestly think I would never have the chance to experience something like this and am very grateful for this. Hey, people take out loans to buy cars and houses they don't need. I have taken out student loans to better myself and see a part of the world I may never have the chance to again. This party was no exception, and although I love being immersed in other cultures I did have my computer propped up streaming the NFL combine, just in case people were interested, but the party was a success.
The problem though, this happened weeks ago, and we had yet to clean up. Last night we started. My roommates graciously cleaned up all the pretzels that I had spilled on the floor. Grandpa, I got your love for pretzels, but I still will never watch the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade. I stated with with dishes. I cranked up the DMX, did a little barking, and went to town on about every plate and pot we have. Here is my Good housekeeping tip for the week: Listen to DMX if you don't have a dishwasher. It makes it much more enjoyable. Well I tackled a majority of the dishes, but my hands were looking like the California raisins so I gave up and told Victor there was no way in hell I was touching this pot of melted cheese nearing a month old.
Today, when Victor got back from classes and ate some dinner, he tackled the Cheese, its fromage in French. It was so disgusting. We all left the kitchen because we were gagging. I set a plate on top a week or so ago to mask the smell so there were some odors that were brewing in there. I wanted to be there for him, I really did, but I could not take it. I told Victor I want give you moral support buddy, but it is too much to handle. I closed the kitchen door, but kept it open ajar and watched him gag and scrape this aging cheese out of the pot. My shirt was over my nose, but it still didn't help. People eat aged cheese, but I think this was dead cheese. Congrats go out to my boy Victor, he accomplished the feat. I would not wish this upon my enemies. You did well young grasshopper. That it is it until my normal PS, but until something happens, which usually does, Au Revoir.

Ps---> I can't believe Emma is not giving it up to John Stamos. That's "Uncle Jesse!" Even I would. My predictions are that Carl will get with Ms. Holiday and then Emma and Will are going to seal the deal. What am I saying. I need Facebook and Twitter back.

I am Victor Soto...

As I described earlier, my roommate and myself rented a car and drove to Belgium and Luxembourg. It was a little Renault Twingo. I am sure many of you have not heard of a Renault. It is French and they have some sort of partnership or a part of Nissan or something, I'm not here to give you a car lesson. We named the car Gary and I was actually pretty happy about driving this little guy. It reminded me of the the innocence of my youth when I terrorized Hardin Country with my Geo Metro. O how I miss the days of that black beauty. You become close with a car when practically every day you have to run along side pushing your car to jump in and pop the clutch just to get her purring in the morning in the subarctic that is known as Iowa. Luckily my parents house growing up was on top of a hill, but enough of this blast from the past. We had to check out of our hotel before noon so we got down to the front desk at about 11:58. We stopped at a gas station to pick up a sandwich and something to drink for the ride. Just as we were leaving, I realized I should have taken a dump. O well, I'm sure it will be a smooth ride.... or so I thought.
Most of the journey went quite normal. We decided to avoid tolls since we got raped by them on the way so It was going to up the drive time by about an hour and half or so, but we were stingy so we were going to have to make it work. It was a much different drive home and the change of scenery was nice to get off the big highways and go through some smaller towns. Every town here I swear has a huge cathedral in the middle, so it was a pleasant drive. We started to see some industrial areas and it dawned on us that we were going to be driving through Paris. Hey its a Sunday afternoon and the French don't do much on Sundays so optimistically we thought it wasn't going to be to bad. Not going to lie, I am not a huge fan of traffic. Growing up in a town with only one stop light, you don't run into a lot of it. It wasn't so bad up to this point and I realized that the Ireland vs. France rugby match for the six nations tournament was going to be played today or was going on. Almost instantaneously, I saw bumper to bumper traffic and then the stadium where the game was being played. Shit, we were driving right by the stadium and going to hit all of the traffic. It was stop and go for what seemed like hours. We found the game on the radio and listened for a little bit. The only thing we could understand was dix sept a dix sept. The match was tied 17 all and ended up that way. It was very frustrating and in the midst of all this traffic I turned to Ryan and informed him that I had to shit three countries ago. Bumper to bumper traffic is much less enjoyable when you have a turtle head poking out. We finally got out of Paris and were running a little low on fuel so I vowed to unleash hell on the next gas station toilette I could find.
Found a gas station, but not a toilette so I was going to have to suffer a little bit more until we found a truck stop. I should have added this earlier, but a light had appeared with a wrench. Ryan pulled out the manual, that was in all French, and tried to piece together what it could mean. Obviously it couldn't be good, but we were like 4 hours from home so it had to hold up. We got through Paris and everything alright and I hadn't lashed out, punched anything, or yelled too many bad words. I have learned a couple of those in French. We were going down a big hill and started to feel the car puttering a bit. You have got to be kidding me! I didn't say anything as I didn't want to alarm the co-pilot. This is what I had trained for. Keep calm in the most adverse situations. It started happening more frequently and I turned to Ryan and asked if he was feeling that. "Yep," he said, " I didn't want to say anything." Not a moment later the gas pedal went to the floor and we were losing speed rapidly. All of a sudden all of the lights turned on and a big red light that said stop came up and we looked in the rear-view mirror and as Ryan put it, there was smoke billowing from the car. I pulled over and turned to Ryan and said, " Golly Jeepers." aOK I lied, actually it was a word with one syllable and rhymes was truck, duck, buck, suck. Ok, you get the point. This shit was serious.
We both remained calm to not freak the other person out, but we knew we were screwed. Being business majors, we are always looking at ways to cut costs without taking ethics into consideration. Were cutthroat. We downsized to the smallest eco friendly car, avoided taking tole routes, and most importantly we put the car in our other roommates name because he is a few years older than us. Both of us being under the age of 25 we would have to pay almost double. The contract and car was under the name Victor Soto. We were absolutely screwed. What was going to happen. Victor Soto was not in the car and was sitting 3 hours away in our apartment in Rennes. Nothing but the worst things were dancing vividly in our imaginations.
We found the Europcar number in the contract and called it. After a few parle vous anglais attempts we were put in touch with an English speaker. He said we needed to contact the local authorities and get it towed and call them once we got it towed so they could take care of the cost. We tried the police. No one spoke English and almost all we could say was car. Didn't help. We called the emergency number and by this point Ryan took over the reigns in speaking. He is group 3 and I am a lowly 2 so he fared better. Through much struggle, they put us in touch with a lady, from the sounds of it from across the car, was speaking in a British accent. We still don't know of how they contacted her, or if she helped them out, as she told us later she was the only person anywhere near there who spoke English. We did get some positive news though, her husband worked for the tow company. We gave our approximate location and sat in the rain for about an hour until the tow truck came and during which I reminded Ryan I still had to defecate. The tow truck driver didn't speak a lick of English, but was a very nice guy from the seems of it through hand gestures and smiles. We handed the phone back and forth between the girl and her husband. She was our saving grace, but we were in no way out of this. We got our car back to the tow shop and got in touch with the company.
Ryan dealt with the driver and his wife and I spoke to the car company. The driver also talked to the company and told them it was an engine problem and we hadn't hit anything and in no way was it an accident. It was difficult on the phone, but through a number of call backs, I was given two opportunities. We take a cab 3 hours and pay enormous amounts of money, or they would send a cab for us to take us to a hotel for the night and then put us on a train the next day. We gave the name Victor Soto and we waited for the cab.
The cab picked us up and drove for awhile and it racked up to like 100 euros before he brought us to a hotel. In broken French we asked if we needed to pay and he said no and took us to the front desk where the lady handed us a key no questions asked. Thank God, I could finally release my bowel movements. It was glorious. I think the smell lingered in that bathroom for the better part of six hours. It usually irritates you when someone says that you are your father's kid, but when it comes to stinking up a bathroom, I realize I am my father's kid. We had to wait until morning where the company would call us and give us train details. We lucked out again. The room was in Victor Soto's name, but we did not have to give any information. We got in an went out to find something to eat and actually stumbled across a spectacular cathedral. It was illuminated in the night sky and had a mote. Pretty damn cool, but sorry no picture my phone was dead. Getting back to the hotel I noticed my mother had emailed me asking how the trip was and if we made it back. My parents were in Mexico and my mom worries with the best of them. I can only imagine that woman calling the company and throwing a fit and giving it up that I am not Victor Soto, so I have kept her in the dark until she reads this. Hey mom, Surprise!
We decided to put breakfast on the room tab since we weren't paying and were able to check out no problem. A cab got us and brought us to the smallest train station I had ever been to, and we went to figure out tickets. They gave us the reservation number, so I mistakenly thought we could just print them out in a self service machine, but I was wrong. Being a small French city, no one at the train station spoke English, and I realize why should they, but it made it difficult. We gave her the reservation number that I typed on my cell phone and she punched it in and told us the amount, which was 260 euros. Not sure what she said, but I imagine it as, o wait, and noticed they were paying for it. She pulled out a huge stack of what seemed to be charge forms. Are you kidding me, we made it this far, and are going to get caught when we almost have our train tickets. This is not how I saw our plan turn into a debacle. She filled out forms and asked for my passport. O shit, this is the story of the demise of Jake Grothoff. I was surely going to be sent to Guantanamo Bay. My heart is beating out of my chest, I'm sweating, but I showed no emotion. I have never lost in a stare off/ straight face competition. I was continually tested by a kid who swears that he saw a lemur in central Iowa and has kept up this story for years so he has some determination, but have yet to be bested. Things were going smoothly as she took my information. She handed me back my passport and I started to finally get that feeling of relief. Then she did it. This lady did like an octuple take at my name and computer screen. She looked up at us with those beady little eyes and pointed her fat sausage finger at Ryan and asked his name. Now I can not be completely certain to what happened, as I may have blacked out for a moments, but I swear Ryan's voiced cracked, but said exactly what I wanted to hear. The name...Victor Soto. She seemed pleased with the answer and printed off the two tickets, one of which bore the name Victor Soto. I think we pulled this off. We had two hours to wait for the next train and chilled in the train station. Apparently I hadn't got all of the garbage out of my system and was forced to crap in a bathroom that was outside. It was a metal circle raised above a little hole. Not to mention, it was morning and was about 40 degrees if my Celsius calculations are correct. To put things in perspective, my ass was cold. It was entertaining as I lifted up my legs so I could see my aim. Pretty damn good if you were wondering. I took a picture of course so I will put it on here. Just of the toilet. Not the act. Get your head out of the the gutter. I'm not that deranged.
We had to take a train back to Paris, go across town to another station in less than an hour, and board our train back to Rennes. Luckily we have had some practice at public transportation as we both had to babysit our parents in Paris on separate occasions. We got on the train and were finally able to rest as we had made it. We lucked out on so many occasions and with the help of a little luck and identity theft we were able to make it back safely to Rennes. Of course as we left the metro station to head to our apartment there was a Europcar van sitting half a block from our apartment, but we did it. May have been the most stressful few hours in my life. I am never doing that again, plus I have unpaid speeding tickets from an earlier voyage last semester so my French driving career has concluded. Well there you have it. Two guys completely out of their element were able to keep their cool and do the unthinkable. I learned a great lesson from that. I should obviously be a bank robber. Alright that's a wrap, I got some Glee to watch. Au revoir.
Ps---> Thank you Victor for helping out and dealing with our frantic calls to you during the whole ordeal and for sitting down to memorize the story in case someone called. Thanks bud.